Home
Recent Entries Friends Archive User Info Tags To-Do List

Advertisement

Customize
 
 
 
 
 
 
I am loosing it! I'm loosing control of myself! I'm going bonkers! I'm living a lie! F~! I don't like living in this home-world shit! I'm not a good nice person. Am i? I don't know! I want my dad i want everything which has nothing to do with other people but just me myself and i! Kill me somebody! GOD! What am i saying?! I don't know myself!

FUCK YOU MOTHER! GIVE ME SHITS ALWAYS! MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE! FUCK YOU! MAKING ME LIVE IN HELL! IF I CAN KILL YOU,I WOULD MOTHER! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S THE BIGGEST SIN OR WHATEVER! I'VE BEEN PATIENCE WITH YOU ALL THIS WHILE! TOUCH ME AND I'LL MAKE SURE YOU REGRET! SO MUCH FOR CALLING YOURSELF A MOTHER! MONEY MINDED! ALL YOU THINK OF IS MONEY! WHO'S MONEY? DAD'S MONEY! FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I WANT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE YOU DISAGREE.. SO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STOP ME FROM LIVING WITH PAPA? YOU AFRAID YOU WILL NOT GET A CENT RIGHT? FUCK YOU!

Every night i have to remind myself this fall is just temporary. Why am i living in this shit? It was perfect 3 years ago! I hate myself. The biggest challenge i face is loving myself. I feel used,spoiled and disgusted with myself. I have tried every single thing except for drugs. What am i?? So much sin. I drink and drunk. Why? Falling in and out of love? LOVE. Fuck that word. Just say it when you don't mean it. [MOTHER: I LOVE YOU] fuck you. you don't love me,you love money and you're obsessed with it. MONEY CAN'T BUY LOVE!

This is not the only thing I'm pissed at. There's more other stuff that reveals the monster in me. For those people out there who doesn't know what's happening. SHUT YOUR GAPS! If you have comment,keep it to yourself!
STOP BUGGING MY LIFE!!!

 
 
 
 
 
 






Meet my son Lyon Irfan! =P

Its actually Isaac's son. You must be thinking how  old is Isaac & who is he. Agree??
He is 19. Got this handsome prince when he was 17. Stupid him. I won't reveal Isaac until we i don't know when. My mother is his mothers  goodfriend so I decided to just bring him along for Raya since the father doesn't go Raya. Cinone. He gets "duit collection" too!My cousin says we look alike even though I'm not his mother.
The mother doesn't even bother bout him. Sickening~

Well this small one doesn't talk much. He only talks to me and mummy.
But one thing for sure he's super actively hyper!
Through out the whole day,my duty was to take care of him. DUHH!
Though at one point of time he ask "mummy daddy where?"
I was shocked of  "mummy". I'm only 16. But i understand since he's been out with me numeral times.
I'm use to taking care of babies anyways.
At the end of the day mum and i sent him back to Isaac.
Proud of myself to be taking care of a kid without any help.


Overall raya was fine. Today will be celebrating with dad's side. Can't wait !!
KECOH PEOPLE!
Tata~

 
 
 
 
 
 








Random Post!
Missing the good times la oi!
"Hello my name is Mia Amirah Dale meet my buddy Syafiqah Arlene Garfield!!"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well everything that i intend to do is  already done and its over now. Glad to know you have your friends around for you Ikka. You take care then. Well to me it is. Today's math paper 2 was a 70% pass. My graph was like oh my god. Indescribable i should say. That's what i get for wasting my time reading the question on Andrew + Peter + Whoever carefully. I think i wasted 15mins just on one question.Trying to understand which amount to use for  "beginning of the year". Such a dumb bimbo. God! Well after math paper went to bpp with gay people. Haha. Fir Ninie & Sanuja. Crazy people. It was Fun & a relaxing moment for me. Tomorrow. . . No school. What should i do?? I don't know. Lets decide on the day itself.  Most probably going to the lib to revise alone. By the way to Feqaa: Sorry babe,i can't fulfill the promise of me no longer smoking. I still do. But whatever you no longer bother of that promise. So jyeah. . . . . . I'm done here. Will post again whenever. . .
 
 
 
 
 
 
I'm tired. . Sick & tired. . . You're tired of my shits? Oh wow. Yes i respect you before but i don't think you need it anyway. Say whatever you want to say. I'm not going to do a thing. I can't take insult? Hmm. . . Really? I forget kawan belakang? I see . . . You know the first time you treated me like shit,i studied myself and i studied you. I'm nothing compared to you. True. You're perfectionist. I'm not. I deserve to be treated better Ikka. Through the fall,i became independent and I learn to stand on my own. Yes,all the while I've been ignoring you. I waited till you text but you didn't so i assume you didn't need me. Came to that day i read your blogg and i felt guilty for not being there for you and for what has happened. Therefore i texted you. Said I'm a little to late? Well jyeah,i know that. It came to yesterday where you texted me "What can you change for the better?" and i was like "why in the world are you asking me this again?" I thought you remembered your promise that you made. You yourself say you stay true to your promises. I'm not perfect and neither are you. Nobody is. You yourself will know what to change one day. Change for yourself and not cause of somebody else. Cause whatever it is,its your body your mind and as long as you're comfortable in it,it's already the best. It's always other people's fault and never your fault.. I can't stop you Ikka,please do go around bitching bout my friends and I. I love them for who they are and they too love me for who i am. I know who my real friends are now. Enjoy with life. Till whenever~
 
 
 
 
 
 

Hello! I am updating this LJ on behalf of Mia Amie. In case you’re curious of whom I am, well I’mma tell you one time, one time, that I am her number 1 fan. Not enough to cover your curiousity? Let me tell you one time, I’m her number 1 fan. Yes I am=) Let's start talking about me, before we talk about her. Oh! We came to a conclusion today that. . . . Justin Bieber is cute! So do you agree too? Haha.

So about me. . . I was stranded on an island, somewhere far. I thought I was, until I heard noises. Monkeys? No! It was party in the USA! She was the star on stage and that’s how I became her number 1 fan=D

About her. . . Mia Amie didn’t have to attend school, as she says; only crazy people attend school today! So she didn't attend school and was sleeping all the way till noon. Such a potato couch. Oh wait, potato couch is for people who sits around and watches tv all day=) There's  good and bad of sleeping in. (sources not to be trust too much) Good - she finally had a good night rest. Bad - she gets groggy when she wakes up after a long rest=X Sheesh. But no worries currently, she is able to handle it well and already got her nose stuck in her mathematics book. Studying somewhere, don’t know where, just somewhere. Such a good girl, revising. Not even a second to spare to update her own LJ till she has to ask me to do so. One Starbucks drink please. Thankyou=D

This lady is one shopaholic! She can even go shopping with her school uniform, in town=X Definetely, one bad example of a shopaholic. Can't wait till a change of clothes! Khekhekhe. I'm going to die once she reads this=S

I'm running out of common sense to write. Except for this last words of warning. . .
Don't ever try bringing her down, if you must, it's a mistake you're taking; you have to go through me before going through her. Get it?
Keep that in mind. Bye!

Number 1 fan signing out.~

 
 
 
 
 
 
Sufferring from insomnia. Therefore I'm here filling it up. Currently chatting with Huda the teddy bear. She never fails to cheer me up or even put a smile on my face. Somehow she realise something was wrong and noticed the sadness in me therefore she started asking. Told her what's happening and she told me of her past experience. I take it as a lesson learn. She gave me a few tips and she told me what is needed to be done. Thank you Teddy Bear! She's my listening ear. Heeee =P 

Top priority: 'O' LEVELS!!!


I'm going to try and get some sleep. Going study tomorrow and meeting babies for breakfast! I've been keeping a hell lot of stuff to myself lately. I just don't see the point in sharing. Iika texted me how am i and my answer was simple "I'm more to myself these days. Just like it that way at the moment. I'm still me i guess". Well its true. But somehow Huda is right,sometimes its not good to just push everything aside. Well whatever it is,I always want the best for myself. Feqaa,I'm still hoping to beat you on our points! Goodnight.
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
I don't know why have i been feeling this way. It all happens when i saw you two days ago.
I don't know if you're blind or you purposely ignore my presence. I no longer receive that cheeky smile. Nothing.
I keep thinking what have you been doing lately. Maybe I'm being too emotional? I don't know.
I can't read what's on your mind at all. I thought the feeling has passed me two years ago but i guess it didn't vanish like how you wanted it to be. During the holidays,i tried calling you to chat and see how you are doing but all i got was your answering machine. Yes,i am missing you. I miss the usual US the chat and the laughter. It even feels like as though we are strangers now. I know i can never be the one you're looking for. But why do i keep thinking that maybe you'll be mine?

When i saw you. . . . .
The memories return. The fun times we had and the crazy stuff we did.
But everything leads to one particular day where i had a huge fall because of Isaac. I was devastated and i became a demon. I did some stupid stuff and went to the toilet. Went i came back,you saw me crying even though i tried my best to hold back the tears. I walked away from you but you chased me and pulled me aside. We were sitting at the staircase together with "botak". You asked me whats wrong but i remain silent. You keep soothing me with your words and finally i burst into tears and told you the whole story. I remembered every single thing that happened at that point of time. You were pissed and you wanted to call Isaac up on the spot and give him "the talk of his life" but i refused to give you his phone number. I know how much you wanted to call Isaac and talked to him. I know you too well. But even though you were pissed,you let that emotion slide and continued soothing me. The warmth of you body kept me strong. Exactly at that point of time,I felt like slapping you and say "Are you blind?! You're the one i want and need!" but i hold back.
I knew if i were to say that,you will let go and leave forever.
So i kept it inside but now,after seeing you the other day. . . .
I don't know how much longer i can take this.

If you could only see right through me~
 
 
 
 
 
 
 










These are the stuff i bought today! Shop at Ion + Far East + Bugis Street. Hahaha. 3 different places. Well I'm exhausted now. Will update whenever I'm not feeling lazy! =)
 
 
 
 
 
 
Heading to Nani's house in a while. Somehow i feel the urgent need to talk to somebody. I need to let go of this madness. Ninie didn't reply to my text therefore I'm taking it as she's busy. Thank you for the chat. Your explanation shocked me a little. Now I'm glad it's over. It is the last dance. My stomach hurts! Must be the menses!!

Advertisement

Customize